Biopsy

I survived and made it to the other side!  It wasn't bad at all.  The biggest disappointment was that they wouldn't let Jeff come back to be with me.  Are you kidding me?!  I wish they would have told me that yesterday.  So he pretty much wasted a half vacation day to sit in a waiting room and wait for me.  I was, of course, thankful to have him with me all the other steps of the way, but I do wish he could have been there with me.

The procedure went really well.  They started by locating the tumor on ultrasound once again.  Then, using the ultrasound as guidance, he numbed the portion of the breast with 7 (7!) vials of local anesthetic.  I was a little nervous before he started, because I just didn't know what to expect.  Well, I didn't feel a thing!  He kept warning me of pinching and burning that I was supposed to feel, but I didn't feel anything.  At this point I focused on the ultrasound monitor.  I had no interest in watching what was about to happen next.  :)  He said if everything was perfect he would only need one sample.  I could feel him pressing very hard, I was a little surprised actually, and thankful that I wasn't feeling all of what he was doing.  He was placing a straw-sized needle in the breast.  I could see him place it relatively near to the tumor, at least pointing in the general direction of it.  Next he threaded the biopsy needle tool down through the straw needle.  He pushed it into the middle of the growth and counted down from 3, then made the snip.  It makes a loud clicking noise, but I didn't feel anything.  I'm not exactly sure what it looks like, but it somehow snips out a little rice-sized sample of tissue.  He pulled it out to check out the quality and told me it was too small, he'd have to get another one.  He got everything ready and this time said, "this one might hurt.." and counted down from 3 again.  Once again I didn't feel anything, but a second or two later I felt a deep burning sensation.  He pulled it out and told me this one looked much better, but he would like one more sample to have a great overall cross-section of the tumor.  One from the edge and two from the middle.  He went in for the last one and I tensed up a little bit, but I didn't feel the last one either.  Finally, he prepared the titanium marker clip to inject into the tumor.  He told me that I wouldn't hear the loud click this time but I might feel a pinch.  He counted down one last time and I did feel that one a little bit, but it wasn't bad, like he said just a pinch. Then he told me to take a deep breath as he pulled out the straw-needle, but I didn't feel that either.  I'm very thankful for anesthesia today.  :)  He left the room as the nurse cleaned me up and dressed the wound.  I didn't get a good look at it before it got all covered, so I'll be interested to see how big it is when it all comes off.  I don't have any stitches but I have three steri-strips closing it up.  I'm wearing gauze and a bandage over it for the next 24 hours, and then after that I just keep the strips on until they wear off.  Finally, they topped it off with an ice pad to wear on and off for the rest of the day.

They let me rest for a few minutes in the room before they took me over to do another mammogram.  I was thankful to still be numb; I don't think it would have been a very pleasant experience if I had been feeling everything!

I waited a few more minutes while the doctor looked over the mammograms.  Then he called me into his office to show me the before and after film.  He showed me the initial area of concern that he identified last week.  After he showed me, it WAS pretty obvious what he saw.  Then he showed me what the titanium clip looks like inserted in there on the mammogram.  This will let anyone in the future looking at my mammograms know that this particular tumor has already been biopsied, and they can also keep an eye on it to see what it is doing in the future.  He told me that he expects it to be a fibroadenoma, so that was reassuring.

For the next hour or so as the anesthesia wore off I was feeling a little bit of pain like pinches and burning, but for the rest of the day I haven't really felt anything.  I'm a little tender but it's not too bad.  Honestly, in my opinion, milk letdown and for sure thrush and mastitis is far, far more painful than anything I experienced today.  So, any of my BRCA sisters who may be reading this facing an upcoming biopsy - hang in there!  It's really not bad.

Even though all my anesthesia was local, I was still wiped out after the procedure.  I guess just the release of tension, anxiety and stress.  I came home and took a 3 hour nap.  I guess it was worth having Daddy home from work after all.  ;)

Thank you all so much for your prayers and words of encouragement today, they were absolutely felt.  I was supernaturally calm and peaceful throughout the whole thing.  God has been so good to me and has helped me through everything that has been thrown at me.  I know I have said this before, but the only explanation for the peace I'm feeling is God's grace.  My friend Maureen shared 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 with me this morning, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.  I can't thank you enough Maureen, I feel like these verses perfectly articulated what I am feeling.  Everyone is praising me for my strength, but I know it's not coming from me.  I'm not a strong or brave person.  I'm actually pretty fearful and cowardly.  So it has been really neat to experience God's power in my life these last couple weeks.  I'm not scared of what's ahead.  What it is, it is.  God will provide me with the grace to face whatever I need to face.  He has thus far, and He will continue to do so.

I think the hardest part of this is going to be waiting for the results.  The doctor told me to plan on a phone call Thursday afternoon, and for sure by Friday.  So let the countdown begin...

Sonograms, Mammograms, Biopsies, Oh My!

The last couple weeks have been such a whirlwind I don't even know where to begin. I suppose I'll go with chronological order.

First up was an ovarian ultrasound with my OBGYN.  It was determined that my left ovary has a large cyst.  Rather, ovary IS a large cyst right now. My doctor is concerned but not worried. He wants to look at it again in 6 weeks to see what it's doing. Thankfully my CA-125 levels came back normal.  However, I do know that this cyst has been around at least 5-6 weeks because I remember feeling some pain in that area a month or so ago.  I don't quite know the connection between a cyst and ovarian cancer (didn't ask) but it's apparently cause for concern.  When they re-check in a few weeks, they will want it to have shrunk in size.  What happens next if it hasn't, I don't know.

I think "they" recommend most BRCA+ women have an oophorectomy between 35-40. My doctor encouraged me to "finish my family and then get them removed quickly." Sigh. So once again we are feeling the pressure to hurry up and make a decision, though honestly lately I'm feeling done.. Ever since I got my test results for some reason. I still just want to sit on it a while and make sure it's not a knee-jerk reaction.

Next up was my mammogram last Wednesday.  It wasn't bad at all.  My left side hurt a little bit, but not my right.  I'd describe it more as discomfort than pain.  The technician told me that I'd receive a call the next day if there was an issue, otherwise that meant that the mammogram was clear and I could move on.  Wouldn't you know, I got a call Thursday letting me know that they'd like me in for additional screening.  They wanted me in on Friday, but we had already left town to go to Oklahoma for the weekend so we scheduled for Monday.

That brings us to today.  I (thankfully) wasn't nervous all weekend, but as soon as I got in the waiting room my heart started racing.  I got really nervous waiting to be called back.  It was finally my turn and as I changed, I was so flustered that I locked my keys in my locker!  Haha. The ultrasound tech got started, and I could tell that things got serious pretty quickly.  I was watching the monitor and could see the growth come into view.  She started asking me about my breast cancer family history, my sister's BRCA status, my BRCA status, and the age my mom was when she got cancer.  I saw her start to draw measuring lines and circles around it on the screen.  She stopped pretty quickly and told me that she wanted the doctor to come take a look.  I knew that it wasn't a good sign - normally they'd just take pictures and have a doctor review them later.  So the doctor came in and started looking at it.  He told me he is hoping that it's a fibroadenoma (a benign fibrous cyst/tumor).  The sides of the growth are smooth which is characteristic of a fibroadenoma, but she shape of it is irregular, which is the cause of his concern.  He ordered a biopsy for me, and wanted it done as soon as possible.  I'm going in at 1:00 pm tomorrow.

They are going to do a needle biopsy and take 3-5 samples from the growth.  Then, they are going to inject a metal marker into the growth and do an in-depth diagnostic mammogram.  The results from the biopsy will take 3 days to come in.  (I am going to be a WRECK on Friday!)

At the same time my appointment was done, I saw another girl about my age come out with the same paperwork as me.  There were tears streaming down her face.  It does feel weird when you're there, being about 20 years younger than all the other women there.  I wish I had talked to her, but she had a friend with her and I didn't want to intrude.

Up to this point I still have felt an amazing amount of peace.  With this latest round of events though, it is definitely starting to erode.  It's all getting a little bit too real.  I'm still pretty devoid of emotion though, and I don't really know why.  Part of me would like to just let it all out - it can't be healthy to keep it bottled in.  It'll probably happen when I least expect it!

Jeff is taking a half day off work to come and be with me for the biopsy.  I am so thankful for him, he has been here with me every step of the way and has been nothing but supportive.

Your prayers are appreciated tomorrow and through the next few days as I wait for the results.  Pray that God will continue to give me peace and strength!

BRCA Positive

It is at this point that my blog will likely veer off in a different direction.  I will still post about my girls (who are doing great, by the way!), but I think I need to use my blog to write about the next journey in my life: Staring down cancer.

No, I don't have cancer, but on Thursday, July 5, I got that dreaded phone call that I am, in fact, BRCA2 positive for the breast cancer gene mutation.  I can't say it was that big of a surprise due to a strong family history of breast cancer, but that doesn't really make it any easier.

I'm doing surprisingly well and haven't been all that emotional about it.  I actually sort of feel numb to it right now.  My mind has been going non-stop since I found out on Thursday and I feel like I need an outlet to process everything I'm going through and learning.  I process things by writing, and I'm hoping I can let my mind rest if I just get it out here.

So here's what I know.  I have an 84% chance of developing breast cancer, and up to 44% chance of developing ovarian cancer.  7% chance of developing pancreatic cancer, but I'm not even going to think about that one.

Here's what I don't know.  Everything else.  :)  I'll be scheduling a mammogram, ovarian ultrasound, and CA 125 test tomorrow, and then I'll have to alternate a breast MRI and mammogram every six months as well as the ovarian ultrasound and CA125 test annually for monitoring until I have surgery.  I will be having a preventive mastectomy sometime in the next 5 years, possibly as soon as next year.  I will have my ovaries removed as well at some point, though timing of that one is a little more open-ended.

Overall I am thankful.  I am thankful to be living in a time with medical advances to be armed with this sort of information.  I am thankful to be in the position to take my health into my own hands and not let cancer call the shots.  I feel a great peace about it that I can't explain.  The only explanation is God's grace. I had one of "those" moments in church this morning, when I could feel God speaking to me through our praise and worship songs.  It seemed every song was meant for me.  The last song of the morning summed it up perfectly.

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.

Reese is Walking!

It's funny - My friend Kerry was over here this morning and we were talking about when all our girls first walked, and I was wondering when Reese would do it because she's 1 month behind Kate. (I know you're not supposed to compare!) I didn't think she was all that close - we've been trying/practicing all month and she'd always just take 1 step and fall face first.

So tonight before I put her to bed we went over to her PBK Anywhere Chair, where we do all our practicing. If she sits on the very edge, it leaves her at the perfect height to stand up and try walking. And wouldn't you know it, she just rattles off 4 steps like it's nothing!! She was SO proud of herself, as I was too, of course. She loved it and just wanted more and more. She did it over and over again for the next half hour! She's getting good at it already, I can't wait to see what the next few days hold! I know when Kate started walking, it wasn't more than about a week of mixed crawling and walking before she was a full-time walker!

Merry Christmas!

Dear Family and Friends,

Merry Christmas! We hope this season finds you well. 2011 was definitely a busy year for our family! January began the year as we adjusted to our new life as a family of four. Reese Elizabeth was born in December of 2010 and has brought so much joy to our lives.

I think 2011 can be summed up as the year of job changes. I (Laura) was laid off from my job during maternity leave in January, a situation quite familiar to us. :) We took it in stride and were thankful for the extra time I would have to stay at home with the girls. I had several months of freedom and in July I finally got a job with Partner Engineering and Science doing environmental consulting. The job kept me busy and traveling frequently. In October it was Jeff's turn. He got an amazing new job as a Senior Compensation Analyst with Flowserve. It was an answer to prayer in that my job was no longer necessary, so as soon as he had signed his offer letter, I put in my two week notice to quit my job and become a stay-at-home mom. Long story short, they convinced me to not quit all together, and offered me a very unique situation that I am very grateful for. I basically work when I want to, and don't work when I don't want to. :) It's a great arrangement and I couldn't be happier being at home with the girls, yet still keeping my career relevant and bringing in some shopping money. (I may or may not have a slight problem with an addiction to buying clothes for Kate and Reese.)

Kate is now 3 1/2 years old and is such a sweet heart. One highlight of her year is that she was featured on the November cover of "Suburban Parent" magazine here in Dallas. We are so proud of our little girl!



She enjoys taking ballet and tap classes and we are so excited that she will have her first recital this coming spring! She is a wonderful big sister to her "Baby Reese" and loves to be a helper for mommy. She has also started Preschool this year and is absolutely flourishing. She loves to go to school.



Reese just turned 1 year old! How is that possible? We thought Kate's first year went by quickly - that was nothing compared to Reese! It has been so fun to experience having a baby again and re-live all of the fun (and not so fun) milestones you get to witness.



Reese is on the verge of walking and her vocabulary is just beginning to expand. She loves animals, especially our dog, Bailey, who she calls "Bah." She looks for Bah every morning and crawls over to her and pets her in bed. Her other favorite past-time involves pulling out anything I attempt to put in her hair. She loves her big sister and my favorite part of Kate's school day is the first glimpse Reese catches of her when school is done. She lights up, lets out a squeal of joy, and kicks her legs as hard as she can in the excitement of seeing her sissy. We are so blessed and thankful for our two little girls.



We hope 2012 brings a little more stability into our lives, although we are currently trying to sell our house in order to move a little closer to Jeff's new job. We trust it will happen in God's timing, though we are admittedly a bit impatient to move on. We love receiving all of your Christmas cards and enjoy catching up with your families.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love,

The Blairs
Jeff, Laura, Kate, and Reese

Sleep Training

Disclaimer - Yes, I let my kids CIO. Not looking for criticism there.

We've come to a crossroads with Reese. Something has to change. 20-30 minute naps 5 times a day is NOT going to cut it. Even the pediatrician said it's time to work on her. She should be taking 2 long naps with possibly one 3rd short nap.

So, I re-read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child again last night. I followed it with Kate, but she took to it SO well, I'd hardly say I had to sleep train her. She was just automatic.

After 3 hours of uncontrollable screaming yesterday at the end of the day because she was overtired from a lack of good naps (with me actively trying to calm/soothe her) I know something has to be done.

She's been breaking out of her swaddle after 10 minutes and freaking out because her arms are loose, so I decided to go cold turkey on the swaddle and sleep train at the same time. Yes, she is getting plenty to eat. No, she is not hungry.

With my notes from the book and an action plan in place, her first nap today was somewhat successful - she only cried 20 minutes (swaddle free!) before she fell asleep. Though wouldn't you know, right at the 28 minute mark, she wakes up. So now the real CIO begins. The book says anything under 45 minutes is not an adequate nap (and even 45 is questionable at her age) and to let her figure things out an additional 30 to 60 minutes, depending on the length of the original nap. So we're at minute 40, and I don't see this ending anytime soon. She just has to figure out her self-soothing techniques on her own. I was making things worse before by continually giving her pacifier back, basically training her to wake up at these short intervals because I'll come back and soothe her.

Soooo! I wonder how long this will take to see results. We were so spoiled with Kate with immediate results. I'm keeping a sleep journal through this process, so at least I'll KNOW when I see results! Emotionally it doesn't really bother me, I don't feel bad for her, but it is just really draining to listen to her scream and scream and scream. I have the monitor turned down, but I sort of have to keep listening so I can take notes on if/when she's asleep and such.

So, that's where we are.

April

I can't believe it's April already! And that I haven't posted in nearly two months. Oops! I really don't know that anyone is reading though - even the blogs I follow have been slow. It seems no one is into blogging anymore. I feel bad though, Kate's infancy was so well recorded, and all Reese is getting is an update every two months. Such is the plight of a second child, I suppose!

She is doing really well. Still a tiny little peanut, she is so sweet, cuddly, and happy. We have started sleep training this week - she's been taking 20-30 minute naps, which just isn't going to cut it. The training is going well, she still wakes up after ~30 minutes, but for the most part I'm able to go give her pacifier back and she'll go back to sleep for another 30-45 minutes. One big difference between Kate & Reese's sleep habits is that Kate was finished with the swaddle at 12 weeks. Reese is still very much dependent on it! It's fine with me, I'm in no hurry to get rid of it, and I figure when she's ready it'll be a smooth transition.

She is SO close to rolling. Every day I think it's going to be the day, but she just quite hasn't made it yet.

Kate is almost 3! When did that happen? I've been working on planning her birthday party - we are going to do "The Little Mermaid." It is by far her favorite movie. It's a fun full circle moment for me, as one of my birthday parties as a child was "The Little Mermaid" as well. I think we'll do it down at our neighborhood pool.

The weather is gorgeous today, though the middle 80's is a bit warmer than I'd prefer for the first day of April. Such is life in Texas. I'm hoping the girls are in a cooperative mood this evening, I'm going to try to take some bluebonnet pictures!